You know, I have been told that putting the other first is important. It seems so right doesn't it? You make your spouse a priority and that will cement your marraige or relationship. How can it not be right?
Right?
I am not so sure really.
Man, I don't even know how to explain it without sounding all wrong or like I am a selfish butt rag. Here it goes . . . I don't make my wife a priority all the time. I have to think of myself first. Okay? In my mind, it seems that If you don't think of yourself first and keep putting the other out in front or giving and giving to them that you will shrivel up inside. It is part of the taking care of me so we both can take care of us.
Of course I don't mean all the time. It is just that you have to put yourself first to hang onto your identity. You need to keep that part of your life that is yours. C'mon, isn't that what has drawn my Wife to me in the first place? I am a nerd and a tinkerer. I like to build and learn and such. I buy stuff for me at times and sometimes I don't even tell her when it may be a bit expensive. I have to have time to myself doing what I want to do for me. I need to be selfish at times. I need to just do stuff for me.
I think this is important because it helps me to give more on the back end. Now I am not saying that it has to be all or nothing but a person will burnout emotionally putting the other first all the time. This is suppose to be two people who are individuals sharing life with each other.. It is a venn diagram, not a complete overlap. I have seen it before. A guy that turns off his life to completely focus on his girlfriend. Obsessively. Eventually the girl didn't even know why she likes the guy in the first place.
Don't get me wrong though, I am in a marriage. The marriage has to be a priority. Why the hell did I get married if I was unwilling to make it a priority? I'm just saying that it can't be completely a focus of one person to another. "Well, that is why if each are making the other a priority it all balances out," would be the response. Then you have two burnt out people. I am selfish when I make choices in our relationship and I will admit it. A lot of times I am only thinking of myself.
Seriously. Do you think I got season tickets to the symphony because I am putting her first? Naw, I like going myself. I like her coming too so I can spend time with her. Do you think I bought her a She Shed because I was thinking only of her? Nope, I wanted electric for my shop and shop time to build stuff to put in it. Do you think I say to her it is fine to go out shopping for a day with her girlfriends because I am thinking of her? Not a chance, I get to have a day to myself doing what I want to do. All that stuff may look like I am putting her first but don't kid yourself.
Making my wife a priority in my marraige is only part of my marraige. Only part of it. Part of it is thinking of myself. Part of it is for her to only think of herself. Part of it is to focus on us. Part of it is to focus n our kids. Part of it is on our marraige. Part of it is to focus on our life that provides for us. And...and...and...the list goes on.
I know saying that your spouse should be your priority sounds all romantic and right. It is plastered all over movies and magazines. Those are just one to two hour fantasies though. In reality, we have to put ourselves first sometimes. And that is okay. It just needs to be a part of a whole.
No comments:
Post a Comment