Love IS enough

Have you heard the phrase that love is not enough to make a relationship work? I mean you will hear it every once in a while when a person is running down a path of destructive doom in a relationship. When they are confronted about it they will scream that love is all they need while the other will say that there has to be more than just love to make things work. 

I used to go along with that ideology. You know- that love is not enough to live life with another person. 

But now . . . . now I think I am looking at this wrong.

After reading through my previous blogs, I think I may have been wrong about what loving another person truly means. And you know what I believe now? Love is enough if you know what loving a person really means. 

Love is not just an ethereal idea that just floats around and exists outside of living life. Love is an action and a state of mind and heart that motivates a person to behave and act and think in a very specific way. I have been saying lately that love changes a person's thinking from "me" to "us". But I don't think that really does this concept justice either. 

I will say that I am doing things and moving our lives forward for us when I talk about my wife and me. But that is not really true.... not in my mind. Not in my heart. In my mind and heart, I think of my wife as being me. Isn't that weird? She and I are so entwined with our thinking and our goals and our motivations and our wants and needs that it would be hard to tell the difference between us. I have grown through the decades of being married to understand on a spiritual level what it means in the Bible to be "one flesh." You are so much one person that to love them is to love yourself. I literally have emotionaly, mentally, and almost physically bonded with her. Does that make sense?

So, loving "the one" is more like doing and providing and supporting them because in doing that you are doing it for yourself. You are making your life so much better and happier by adding this other person to you and making yourself bigger and more full as a person. You have more perspective and more depth and more value and more drive and more insight and more. . . . just . . . everything. 

Am I explaining this well? No, not really. 

Because in my mind and in my heart and emotionally and spiritually, I truly believe that if she would suddenly tragically die, it would be much like having an arm amputated or a leg missing. It would be literally be losing a part of yourself. It sounds so romantic (and it is right?) but this is where I think a lot of people fall short of really truly finding their one person that they will spend the rest of their lives with. They have not deliberately taken the time to find themselves and understand themselves and to find the one person that will complement and bond to in order to become that better more full person.  

So, love is enough. You just have to learn and feel and be in love. Truly be Love with the person you choose to bond and love. 

If any of this makes sense. 

No progress without healthy debate.

 Here is an exchange I had with a person on Facebook. They made this no argument statement:

What we need is to eliminate anyone in the education industry being a government employee. At all levels, in all cities, counties and states. 100% private school choice with vouchers. Nothing short of that will satisfy me. Or fix the "system", because that's what is broken.

So here is my response. I basically challenged him to explain why his stance would be the best solution by bringing up issues that have consistently been a problem with Private schools:

Why do you think that would work? How would you regulate discrimination practices of Private schools based on income or performance of the students? How would you make sure tuition is used appropriately and without fraud? How will you keep pay competitive enough so that teachers don't have to have more than one job just to make a living? I just have not seen private schools show any progress in education. There are exceptions but it is not the norm. I am all for doing something but what needs to be done needs to address a lot of these issues. It might fall into a blame game, but I truly feel the biggest obstacles to education is family structure/culture and poverty/single parent homes.

His response:

there are no perfect systems, but I would trust parents and students over government indoctrination teachers 100 to 1. And the good ones would get paid good and the bad ones would find a new career.

And while I agree other obstacles are real, the government system has been proven to be an almost complete failure due to the unions.

So I challenged him again:

Do you truly believe teacher indoctrination? Of what subjects? What topics? Is it on the teacher's own or is it curriculum driven? Do you think the recent generation really would be able to develop schools for better outcomes today? Why is that? Is there proof? And what exactly determines good vs. bad teachers and how can you accurately and consistently get reliable measurements for bad vs good teachers? Just as a side note, how have the unions caused the government schools to be a complete failure? Is it the unions or is it the government and the unions are actually fighting against them?

And this is the moment where my challenges to his ideas met with this common response to challenging a person's views:

you obviously live in a different universe than I do if you don't already know the answers to every question you just ask. Let's don't bother trying to communicate.

And that was it. Without responding to anything I challenged him with which were legitimate and real problems that occur with what he was saying, he basically told me that if I didn't know already then I was stupid and not worth talking to. 

Isn't that the way nowadays? People would rather just say that if you don't know already then you must be blind or stupid or "drinking Cool Aid" or some dismissive statement like that. It is all just a ploy to avoid having to stand your ground with reason in the face of someone challenging your ideas. Can progress be made this way? No. 

I asked those questions because those are the most common issues that arise with these topics that are counter to progress, and I wanted to know what he thought the solutions were to them or if he could actually prove that those problems he stated truly existed in the first place. Instead of standing his ground with evidence and rational ideas, he decided "let's don't bother to communicate." He really missed an opportunity here, don't you think?

This is my frustration with trying to have good solid debate and compromise. If this guy truly had great ideas and good reasoning for why private schools could work to save our education system then he missed an opportunity to teach or sway my idea on the topic. I was honest and genuine in my responses. I am pretty sure that was clear. I was not derogatory or inciting. I will say, too, that he didn't drop to name-calling or insults which was nice for a change. But the end is the same. No progress or exchange of thoughts that move a problem forward to a solution. 

So here is my last words on this to him and I am pretty sure when he said it is not worth communicating further, he will never respond back:

Well, that's the issue, isn't it? I have not seen this so-called indoctrination in the schools I have experience with. I am not even sure I know what indoctrinating you are talking about. I am guessing it is more so in very liberal cities and states like California or New York. Do you know firsthand or have some basis to this other than a couple of YouTube or snap chat or Instagram references? It seems like this sort of thinking is ruled by a very small minority as far as I can see because they speak louder than the rest. If it is specifically in the curriculum, then what does it require a teacher to teach that is indoctrinating? I am also very serious about the measurement of what makes a good or bad teacher and how good this type of measurement is in validity. I also wonder what entails a union making a system fail and what specifically the unions have done to cause the education system to fail. If I live in a different universe, then by all means, give me the resources and data and research to bring me up to speed on what has been determined to work and are best result practices for a more productive set of citizens.