I thought I would put out this email exchange I had with a parent today. I have a strong focus on more than just science in my class. teachers really do model how positive and appropriate relationships function. It is very hard and not many can navigate how to do it. I guess this is why a lot of teachers walk away from the profession in the first 5 years or so.
Our job is hard.
Our job is more than teaching content.
And honestly, part of the reason I am making this post is because I need this kind of encouragement and wanted to save this in my journal.
So, the following is our exchange;
Hi teacher, hope you are doing ok. I'm emailing you concerning some things that have been reported to me about my daughter's behavior. I was told that she has been disrespecting and insulting you. Which shocked me because we email each other all the time and you have never mentioned it. Mr teacher, that is unacceptable behavior and I will not put up with her doing that to you. Not doing her homework is one thing but disrespecting adults is a totally different situation and I did not raise her that way! This is just between me and you I need to know if this is true so can handle this situation accordingly.
Sincerely, her mom.
My response,
Good morning!
After reading your email last night, my short response is. . . no, she is not disrespecting me.
But that is the short answer and really does not do the dynamic that your daughter and I have justice. So, I will see if I can be a little more descriptive with how she and I interact with each other.
First, I am not sure if she has talked much about my class or my teaching style. I am a very over the top enthusiastic overboard theatrical teacher that seems at times to kinda have a screw loose. Kids usually respond to me with fear and uncertainty at first because they have not really experienced a teacher who is so wound up about what they are teaching that they practically are bouncing and giddy. I am definitely not like other teachers. After a week or two, they start to ease into my personality and be more at ease.
One of the strategies that I use in class quite often is to make fun of myself about certain behaviors and aspects of my personality. I do this so that the kids can see that I know my faults and insecurities and that I have come to just accept them. And, I pick on myself and poke fun about them constantly to the point where some kids will also reflect it back to me. Technically, I choose what the students criticize me and pick on me about because they are just repeating and reflecting what I say about myself already. It also gives me a chance to model how to shrug off and manage disparaging remarks. It is pretty hard to offend and hurt my feelings. And also remember, I chose what they pick on me about with a bit of behavioral psychology. These topics I do this with are my weight, my problems with studdering and mumbling, losing my train of thought, my oversized hands, and my puppy make you cringe gag love for my wife. Since they are only reflecting what I have already expressed, it is not out of line or disrespectful and increases a sense of comfort and fun to the class.
As for your daughter, She has not ever said anything that has been out of line or disrespectful to me personally. She has only reflected these things that I pick on myself. She has not said anything that I have not said about myself already. You see?
But I do understand that if a person that has not experienced my class with me for several weeks that they would really feel that these kids who are just reflecting my own criticisms back to me would sound like they are being insulting and super disrespectful. But they are not because it is just part of my teaching strategies.
In the end, your daughter is not being disrespectful. She is actually just going along with the program and my idiosyncrasies. She is playing along with me and moving things forward in class as I put on my show. She is very respectful. She tells me often that I am her "Bestie" and we will talk about her behavior outside of class like the bus incident the other day. I will say things like "not everyone responds to that stuff like I do" so that I can reinforce that everyone is different. She listens and I can tell that she takes my advice seriously and thoughtfully. She always says hi to me or greets me positively and she talks positively to others about me. She really appreciates how she can cut up with me and how I am not overly sensitive about just having a little levity in class. I can tell that she really truly thinks highly of me and that means a lot.
Your daughter is doing just fine with me and she is not disrespecting me or insulting me in any way that I have not already set the expectations for. I enjoy having her in class and that is why I have never mentioned that behavior because it is actually part of my teaching strategies for teaching kids how to interact with different and diverse personalities of people.
I know this is a long email and I am not sure if I have really explained it well enough but if there is ever a problem with how she talks to me, I am positive with no doubt in my mind whatsoever that if I pull her aside and talked to her about it that she would be apologetic and never repeat that behavior again.
Have a great day and you have any concerns that I will get right back to you.
Mr Teacher
Her reply,
She actually explained it to me last night after I told her that I emailed you.She also explained to me that you are her favorite teacher which she has already told me several times in the past.I just wanted to make sure because it was reported to me that she was being disrespectful and she knows I don't tolerate it.But now that you have clarified the situation what she said last night makes sense and I am relieved to hear that you two have this special bond.I already knew that she means alot to you after our emails in the past.I am honored that she has such a dedicated teacher.I really appreciate all the time and guidance you give her. I know I have thanked you numerous times but once again thank you. You are a great man and an awesome teacher! Sincerely Mom
My last word.
Awe... Thank you. I really do love my job and have lots of fun. Being a Dad to these kids is just part of who I am and it is really something to be able to have the job I have.
Keep on keeping on!
Mr Teacher.
