By now by now you must think she and I are perfect. Perfect house, perfect kids, perfect car, perfect dog, perfect flatware . . . Perfect marraige.
Well, we do not.
Honestly, we have had stuff that would have......has.....Broken other couples. They have called it quits over some of this stuff that has happened to us. I know. When you talk to me, I sound like my life is perfect and we are living the dream. But in reality, we have had our setbacks and hard times like all others.
I have been heard saying that you have hard times, not hard marriages.
How many have you seen let hard times affect their marriage? How many have you seen the unforeseen, unpredictable, unfair life happenings get them in a mindset of blaming their spouse and calling it quits?
Well, it has not been all roses for us. I will tell you that! We have had our setbacks that should have stressed our marriage to breaking.
We first thought we would not be able to have kids. The guilt she felt that she may have been defective and unable to give her husband the child he so desired put a toll on her. Then our boy was born a month early. No big deal in this day and age but still frightening.
When he was born, there were complications. Complications with her. Since that day our sex life changed forever. How many have you heard of a permanent change in sex life was a deal-breaker for a marriage? Is that one aspect of your relationship really the main pillar? The one keystone that the whole marriage is held up by? Really?
Then I lost my job. I lost the financial support for our family. I had no way to pay for our lifestyle because she was staying home and caring for our baby boy. She was depending on me to hold my end of the deal and make the money to support all of us. And I failed. Would a woman leave because of that? I have seen it before.
We moved to another state. That in itself could have caused us to fall apart. There are some people that will flat out not move from where they are living as if it was Linus' blanket. The nights I worried about whether or not my wife would follow me to a practically unknown new "home" was pretty stressful.
When we moved, the stress on my wife changed her forever giving her depression that needed to be managed with medicine. I learned to see the signs and the symptoms. I learned to be more of an emotional coach and to lift her spirits either by action or presence. How many would have given up then?
After that we tried again for another child. It was worse and harder than the first. Did I mention the change to our sex life? Did I mention her new depression that was being managed with medicine? It was another time our new baby was early and this time it was not all fine. He had to stay in NICU for a week. How easily would it have been for others to just say, "I'm out."?
Since then there has been a bankruptcy, more health problems, behavior / health issues with our kids, financial hardship, family hardship, and a host of other stuff that has happened. Stuff just happens.
Enough to cause others to call it all off.
Why didn't we?
Because those things did not happen because we were married. Those things just happen anyway. They happen to people all the time. The difference is we had each other to get through it all with.
It was because we have hard times but we don't have hard marriages.
That is the key. I have no idea how these life happenings can be associated with being a marriage problem or a problem of the spouse. I suppose if one or the other is making choices without the other's best interest in mind, it could be quite the stress. But, then again, why are you running in a marriage but still trying to go it all alone? You have a partner. You have another person's viewpoint and knowledge and all the stuff you do not. That in itself is worth everything.
So, when you see me and I shine when I talk of my wife. When you marvel at how I can light up at the thought of my wife or how I am like a love sick puppy, just remember what I have said. Listen to what I am saying and you think that I am perfect and our lives are perfect and nothing bad will ever happen to us. That is not true. those hardships do happen to us.
It does. We just know that together, we can get through and not be alone. We know that at the end of the day, we have someone that is there and will hold us and let each other breath a moment of peace. because those things happen to us not because we are married. they happen any way. It is nice to be able to navigate through them with someone that loves you.
We have hard times, not hard marriages.
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