I don't want to pay for what abortions truly cost us.

 Of course..... .violence and hurting people is the way to respond and protest the violence and hurting other people. Isn't this the cycle now in our country? The way to stop hurting people is to just hurt more people .... Right?

I have made my choices in life concerning creating life and I am at peace that I made sure that the girl I was with got pregnant when I wanted her to. Well, we discussed it together and decided together and took steps to ensure it happened when we wanted it to happen. Personally, though, I don't care about what others do. It's their body and their conscience.

What I will say though is this- - America can't afford to ban abortions. Why is no one talking about how every American will pay for forcing women to have babies they don't want? Because it will cost us a lot in the long run.

You know, because I personally don't want to pay for it.

I don't want people that are protesting getting hurt or killed (and it's only a matter of time based on our current culture of hurting people because other people are getting hurt) which could affect prices and insurance premiums.

I don't want to pay for the hospitals to cover the uninsured or give government medical assistance for those who get shotty or poor or dangerous illegal abortions that put those women's lives in danger.

I don't want to pay for the increase in single-parent homes because poverty will become more widespread and that will affect how much I pay for them to have government assistance.

I don't want to pay for the prisons and criminals that will increase in numbers because single-parent homes ( mother homes mostly, especially impoverished homes, and boys mostly) produce more criminal tendencies. That also affects violence and murder and homicide to our society which will trickle into how much I will pay to deal with them.

I don't want to pay for the medical expenses of those women that have pregnancies that are 100% fatal if the pregnancy goes to full term. There will be unpaid medical expenses and lawsuits that will trickle down to the taxpayers.

I don't want to pay for the mental health problems of these people. There will be an increase of mental health issues not only in the parents that don't want these children but the children that know that they are unwanted, or for women who have mental health problems because they are not ready for the stress of having kids. And remember, a lot of them will be impoverished so they will need government assistance which trickles down to my taxes and increased insurance premiums. I don't want to pay for that.

I don't want to pay for the increase in population. Banning abortions will flood our country with 500,000 to almost 1 million new kids a year to our population. (No that is not a typo) And kids are a financial burden that is pretty substantial. I am positive we will pay more in a very few short years with them putting strain on our economy in all areas and I don't want to pay for that.

I just don't want to pay for all that stuff. And that is partially why I support abortion (because I have completely ignored all my feelings, religion, and human rights views in this post).

If it was a perfect world though, I would attack this problem BEFORE it becomes a problem. Movements need to be made to instill a sense of responsibility about the choice to have sex and to understand how to prevent pregnancies. It has to be a mindset shift. It has to be a societal movement. We have to teach women to value themselves and to value their bodies. They need to understand that sex will not manipulate a man to be with them or do what they want and this is especially true after they are pregnant. We need to shift the man's mindset from dominance over a woman and manipulating a girl's feelings to just have one more conquest. We have to teach them that they have to be responsible for their choices and to respect a girls choices about their bodies.

Then we need to stop talking out both ends. If we want unwanted pregnancies to stop then we need to give and supply contraceptives for people. We need to create and then expand and then support safe sex and contraception practices which will be much cheaper than the above mentioned costs to our society. Then the only need for abortions will be boiled down to saving the life of the mother, alleviate the stress and mental health of a crime like rape, and for the extremely small chance of contraceptive failures (when they are used correctly). And how many is that...... Like less than 5% of current abortion cases? Remember, there is upwards to almost a million abortions a year....... In a perfect world, the problem with abortion should be taken care of before it is a problem. But no one is talking about that..... Its much easier ,I guess, to just rip the baby out after poor choices than to make a country wide social shift in our mindset. But hey, that is our mindset now as a society, huh?

Love story #19 - You don't have to share your kids every second!

 I have seen a lot on my friends list getting pregnant or being pregnant and I thought I would just give you something to chew on for a moment. 

You don't have to share everything all the time. 

I am an advocate of just being in the moment with your significant other and just reveling in the experience of being a mommy and daddy with them without all the crap that family and friends can or could bring with it. 

When my wife and I were expecting, we put out the news and told our friends and family. We didn't go all crazy though. We took pictures and we talked about being parents, but we didn't put it out constantly. I didn't want to. I wanted to be selfish and only share the experience with my wife and my parents. To me, it was one of those times that was a new kind of intimacy with my wife, and I was jealously savoring each moment. I really didn't want to share it with anyone imposing their thoughts or views into it. I didn't want people telling me how I should do this or do that or impose expectations on us. 

For example, we didn't find out the sex of our first child and that turned out to be so scandalous! But why not? It is our first baby and our first time being parents. I wanted that part of our experience to be ours and ours alone in the moment when the experience will be like nothing I could ever imagine. To this day I am thankful my wife agreed (against her own urges) to let me have that joy.

We had visitors about a day after the birth. Honestly, since our boy was a month early, that just ended up being the way it was anyway. Looking back, I didn’t realize how much of a blessing that was. I made sure when family were able to get across the state that visits were only for a very short time because I wanted to just enjoy being a new dad and get the hang of my new boy and just be in the moment with him as I fed him and cared for my recovering wife (who had a hard birthing experience). I was so exhausted but eager to have every minute with my new boy and I didn't want anyone else crowding me with it. 

We took lots of pictures, but we didn't throw them around and pass them out. We wanted memories but . . .  "likes" ..... not so much. It was my little family that my wife and I was building. I didn't want others to push their idea of family into the one that we were building. 

And, so what? Why was it so important to everyone that we didn't do that? They had their family and they had their time. Why impose on our time to be a family? I didn't have any shame with it back then or even today. I covet my time with my wife and family. I post some things here and there but mostly, I just enjoy my time with them. 

So, if you are feeling like me and feel like you are getting smothered but those who are unintentionally (or maybe even intentionally) making you feel like you are missing it, do not let them make you feel "less than" if you want to pull back a little and just immerse yourself in being a new parent. It will be fine and they will be fine and all will be fine.