"Are you Against Trans?"

"Are you against trans?"

I said, "What do you mean 'against'?"

"What do you think of trans people?"

I thought for a moment and then replied, "I believe that a biological man is a man and a biological woman is a woman. I disagree that a man can literally be a woman or vice versa just because they say so or they say something like they are in a foreign body or that they just feel like the opposite sex."

They then said with a finality in their voice, "So, you are transphobic then."

I asked, "What do you mean when you say the word 'transphobic'?"

"Well, you don't like trans people."

"Oh, Okay . . . then no," I said. " I am not transphobic."

"But you just said you hated them, " they argued.

"No. That is not what I said."

"Yes, you did," starting to work themselves up. I could tell they were getting ready to pick a fight.

"No . . .  I said that I didn't believe that a person can be a different biological sex just because they say so or if they say they feel like they are a different sex. I never said I hated them. You know, I can disagree with a person's philosophy or feelings and still not hate them for their views. Right? "

"Then you are transphobic."

I started to understand now where they are coming from. "Look. When a person says that word - 'transphobic', they are talking about a fear that is in another person that causes them to want to harm or commit acts of violence on the group of people solely because of some belief those people hold. I . . . do ,. . . not. . . . feel that way.

"I don't hate these people. I don't want harm to come to them. I don't want to hurt them at all. I don't want anyone else to hurt them either. I am not grossed out by them or want to avoid them or shun them in anyway whatsoever. But, I am a science guy and I just don't believe that a person can literally become the opposite sex just because they don't think they are the one they were born as or because they say they are in the wrong body. That is just absurd. I think it is impossible for a man to say they are literally woman because the only thing about their body that is a woman is their thoughts and feelings. Thy can say it all they want but, in reality, every single cell they are made up of is screaming 'male!' because they have Y chromosomes in them. They will never ever truly feel what a woman feels like no matter how much they argue to the contrary. It is unreasonable for a person to force me to believe and agree to something that is not true. I mean, it is not even a belief because there are measurable observable differences of men and women. To me, it is impossible for a man to literally be a woman or vis versa because of what I know about genetics and biology."

"Then you are against them."

"There is that word again . . . 'Against.' It depends on what you mean by the word 'Against," I said agan. "Am I against them being able to express whatever image they that fits the way they feel? Nope. Am I against who they choose to love and have relationships with? Nope. Will I vote against them being able to marry the opposite biological sex or even the same biological sex? Nope. 

You see, these are freedoms that don't get in the way of my freedoms and there is no reason to stop them from those choices or discriminate against them in these instances. 

On the other hand, am I against a trans person using a bathroom that is not their biological sex? Yes. It does not matter to me at all, but it does invade some people's personal privacy. And the law protects that. There are also choices for using the bathroom like stalls and unisex bathrooms to use as accommodations to not being able to use your 'preferred' bathroom and locker rooms. I am against gender affirming surgeries for anyone that is under the age of 21 because they are still children and need to mature to the point where their bodies and brains are fully developed. These treatments are irreversible, and children are fickle when their brains are not fully developed. Dress and act how you want but don't allow children to permanently change their bodies when they are not even fully grown yet. After 21, go for it. I don't care, it is your body and your money and you are an adult. "

 I saw that if I disagreed with some of this crazy idea that if I didn't accept trans people and what they believed wholly and completely that I was against them in all respects and "transphobic". But I grew up in an age where differing views was just that, differing views. We are all people and have our own thoughts and beliefs. To call someone a "phobic" anything just because they disagree with you is just crazy talk. Like I said to this person, I can have differing views and still treat you as a human being. Seriously. I am not going to stop being kind and considerate of you just because I am not going to agree that you are a woman when you are literally a man. 

"Look," I said.

"I can disagree with them and reject their philosophy as false and still understand that they have freedoms given to them and are free to make their own choices. I also can disagree and want them to not get in the way of other people's freedoms - like personal privacy of the sexes and deciding on behalf of children to have sex changing surgeries. Hell, I can disagree with their beliefs and still be friends and kind to them. Disagreeing with a person does not mean you hate them. It just means you disagree with them. It does not mean you want to harm or hurt them. There is a difference. Until people can go back to understanding that, the better off our whole society will be."

Mom

    I was talking to mom the other day and she said something that really hit me hard in the gut. She said that since she didn't have a college degree or went to school that she felt that she was not as accomplished or successful as dad or any of her children. And my first thought is that she had no idea what she has done in her life that carried as much importance to the world as the rest of us. 

    My mom set her lot in life to be a homemaker and there was a time in which this was kind of looked down upon. But you know what? Look at how our society is like now with all these working women. Look at how feminism and economy has driven the mother out of the house into the work place. I don't think the average person has any idea of how pivotal that change in our social values, that being a stay at home mom being frowned upon, has on the health of our society. 

    This entry though is about my mom. And even amongst all the moms in the world, she really is one of a kind. 

     I have been fortunate to experience parents that are very different from each other in their approach to raising their kids. I have posted about dad already and this one will be about mom. As I was growing up, ma was a stay-at-home mom and she not only took care of my brother, two sisters, and I, she also sitted for about ten to 13 other kids during the summer. So, she was a mom to lots of other kids. Ma understood the uniqueness of each of us and also took a lot of time to work out how each of us "ticked."

    My brother needed a firm hand and needed a lot of tools to control and regulate his anger and emotions. Ma really had a knack on him with that. My sisters had a lot of restrictions on them. One needed to understand that being strong willed and stubborn did not mean that you could just go all wild and do what you wanted. The other struggled with esteem and motivation which required a whole other set of tools to deal with. 

    And then there was me. I was the black sheep of the kids. Seriously, ma said that she would have thought I was switched at birth if my brother and I were not the only ones in the nursery at the time. I was the one that had a brain that never stopped thinking and wondering and exploring. I think Ma loved to just watch me do my thing and really enjoyed seeing how my mind worked. She is often heard saying, "Before you get mad at him, you need to ask him why he was doing what he was doing. Because he always had a reason and his reasons usually made sensed to a little boy even if they were not right." That is where my mom really was set apart from other moms. She knew her kids and she knew that they all had different needs and boundaries. And I can't thank her and appreciate her enough for never putting me in a mold. She let us carve out the mold that suited us best. 

    As I grew older, I found that ma (and dad too) was always going to listen and hear me out.  I would call her at all times of the day. She would listen to me vent and yell and cuss and cry my frustrations out. She would listen to all my excitement and giddiness for some nerdy thing or other. She never rushed or avoided us at all. She always had the time and now that I look back, I really needed that. I needed her a lot to bump me onto the right path and to guide my thinking and actions so that I could figure out my world. I needed her to listen and not mock anything I was curious about until I learned how to find out stuff for myself. 

My mom is a unicorn now and I don't think there are enough of us left that know the value of a mom like her. It is very rare to have a mom that is kind, intuitive, nurturing, loving, and best of all . . . . present. And that is truly a missing part of our society that is telling when you look at our youth today.