Abortion is necessary

Abortion is necessary. It really turns my guts inside out even to say it. I hate abortions and I hate that a human being would even consider it. But, it is necessary because we, the general social population, have created a culture where it is considered a last resort and acceptable.

People are hurting or being violent to those who either are getting abortions or performing abortions. Legislature and politicians that are either supporting abortion or trying to make it illegal. People will force girls to have their babies and condemn them if they don't or condemn them for even being pregnant. Even if a person stops an abortion, what then?

I mean, if you stop a girl from having an abortion- what then? Are you going to help this girl raise their child? Provide assistance? Are you going to council this girl to grow strong and confident in the face of the struggles of being a mom? Maybe a mom with no dad in the picture? What about the father? Are you going to take steps to keep him from randomly getting another girl pregnant? Can you be so short-sighted as to feel that it is always the girl's fault or the guy's? Will you make the boy stay with the girl that he does not love and will most likely not care for their own child? Well, in my mind all this stuff that is being done is no worse than putting out an oil fire by spraying water at the top of the flames. You have to get to the root of the problem.

And that root is Family.

You got it. I can bore you to death with statistics of how likely a girl will get pregnant based on things like poverty, a fatherless home, abuse, single-parent household, and on and on. What all of it boils down to is that there need to be better families and better family values. A household with two parents (a man and a woman - I truly believe. Data shows it is not a factor though) that are faithful to each other who provide love and guidance and nurturing is the only way to change the need for abortions. They need to be mentors and role models every day and in plain sight of their children. They need to train and teach their kids how important they are. This is for both boys and girls.

The boys need to be taught and shown how to respect women by valuing a girl's mind, emotions, and most importantly - their bodies. They need to see that there are boundaries even in a marriage where the wife is not property to be done with as the husband chooses. They need to see that if their mom tells their father to back off, the father respects that space their mom wants. This is done out of respect and love for their wives. It needs to be modeled and obvious. Boys need to be taught that they need to learn quickly that sex is not a trophy or conquest or bragging rights. They have to be taught that physical intimacy is a gift and treasure of those they love fully. They need to be taught that they need to take time to know who they are getting close to.

Girls need to be taught that their bodies are their most precious treasure they possess and that it is not to be just given out willy nilly. They need to know that sex is not a tool to control or hold a man. In the end, they will find that sex will never be enough to hold a man to them. It is sad but there are many out there that have learned this the hard way. Girls need to be taught to value themselves and to have high self-esteem. They need to know that they are unique and so special that there are only a few men that are worth getting close to and that there is only one that deserves to be intimate with them. They need to be taught how to know when a man truly loves them and will be worth their effort.

But until we have families and family values make a comeback in our society, we will have to have the need for abortions. It turns my gut to say it but it is true. If a girl does not value their body and their uniqueness, they will fall prey to having unwanted pregnancies. If a boy is taught that a woman is a trophy or a conquest they will just live their lives keeping a tally sheet. And this is where we are failing our children and eventually the children they most likely will not want.

I valued my wife when I was dating her. I did not force her or use guilt or manipulation to get her to have sex with me. I did not rush her or pressure her into it making her feel that she would lose me.  I did not want her to feel that sex was the only way to keep me around (although she was wondering and worrying). I waited and made sure that she decided it was time. I waited until she truly was ready. That is valuing and respecting her body as being her personal treasure. I also did not rush into it because I valued my body and my right to be intimate. I took a long time to make sure it was what we both wanted. Sounds unorthodox, I know, but think of how the world would be different if that kind of behavior became the norm?

I surely do not have all the answers and this concept is very very very complicated. There are hundreds of thousands of abortions happening each year. No really - look it up if you want. To me, that is a marker of our society and the value of a person. If a person is valued and values others, they will not only value the unborn children but they will value the idea of having a child or not having a child. They will value caring for that child until they become adults. Until then, until we really get to the root of the problem, we will be unable to affect the end result. If we, as a society, teach kids and young adults how to value themselves more, we may be able to reduce the need for abortions. They will see the value of having children when they are ready to want them with all their hearts and time.

I bet a lot of other societal ills would go away too. . . but that is a whole other thread of thought, eh?

I am not successful.

I was asked one day if I felt that I was successful and I said, “No.”

And I meant it too.

What a surprise. Most people would say the same thing, I am guessing.

Hell, sometimes just getting up the next day and facing it again is a success. This year I have referred two girls to hospitals for cutting themselves and many would say that is a success in itself. At the time though, I didn’t feel like it was much of a success as they were taken away against their will. People would say that they are getting the help they need. It is funny how teachers feel unsuccessful in this scenario.

There are days in my past where I have felt like the biggest loser in the world and that all the work I have put into something turned out to be useless. The day I was fired from my passion of teaching was the most mountainous heap of failure in my life. It has been the worse I have endured yet. Getting a new job in TN and starting over could be considered a success. It might be, but there will always be that idea tucked in the back of my mind that I was not good enough. . .. I was not successful in holding my job. I failed.

Success could be having a strong family but there are days in which I feel like I am failing at my job as a husband and father. There are hard days the test my resolve. My oldest is not letting go of his anger, selfish, and greedy ways. I am a supportive husband. Why is she still struggling with depression and anxiety? My younger boy is so dependent and clingy showing no signs of being independent. I often wonder if he will ever grow to be his own man someday.

Then there is me. I am very talented and can do many things. But I make mistakes and I do fail a lot. Why then, when I can be so good at so many things do I focus on all the stumbles in my life? Why do they stand out in my mind? I will not even think a second about throwing together a drawing or building a table without plans but the day I was fired? Well, it was like I was reliving it all over again. I struggle with my faith. I want closer friends or even more friends but it is hard to put time into a friend when you are a teacher and a father and a husband. . . A lot harder than people realize. There are all those goals I set for myself and they fall to the wayside. What about all those?

You see, these things eat away at us. I would guess that anyone that reads this would be thinking of all those things that they are lacking or failing. It is just human nature, isn’t it?

So, that leaves the question of what is success?

Success is perspective. I can look at all those things I have done and are doing right now and see the failures in them. Or, I can look as all those things I have done and see what is succeeding. If I look at the failures, then I am sure to fail more. If I see the successes, then I will be more likely to succeed more. It is my own perspective unhindered by other outside opinions that is the key. It is what I see that makes all the difference. Don't let others define your success. They don't know how much you started with and how far you have come in your struggles. I think this is where the feeling of failure sneaks in. Success is perspective. It is your perspective alone.

It is hard though. I look at where I have been and what I have done compared to where I hoped to be and it doesn’t seem very successful to me. It is an allusion though. I am doing alright. Not great or outstanding but far from failing. I am doing alright. I bet if you look back and scan your past. . . you probably are too.

Teachers are held to a higher standard without empathy.

We have been told a lot that teachers are held to a higher standard. It is true whether we accept it or not. But, on the other hand, we are people too. We are people that have feelings, lives, families, friendships, and hobbies. We are held to a different standard though and we are unfairly expected to give up some behaviors that are harmless to the average person but frown upon as a teacher.

I will use Alcohol as an example. If you listen to a teacher talk about alcohol, it would be fascinating to hear what they say. Phrases like – “I never buy alcohol in the town I live or teach,” or, “I drive 30 miles to a liquor store,” or, “I never have a beer for dinner, there is too much of a chance that a student or a parent seeing me and telling,” flow freely and often. But why? Why is consuming alcohol deemed an unfavorable behavior for a teacher when it is acceptable for others?

Obviously, everyone knows the answer to that one. It is a behavior that is associated with deviant behavior and lawlessness and a person with no self-control. It is practically a sin and every person that has anything to do with children should be as dry as the desert when it comes to drinking alcohol. It is of the devil!

Well, I disagree. My wife shakes her head at me because I will have a beer for dinner sometimes or I will walk into a liquor store in the town I work to buy a bottle. Sacrilege! Do I have to explain why or if I am right in buying it? No. I don’t have to explain anything. I am a person and a human being and a citizen in this country. I am over 21 and am fully lawfully able to buy alcohol for myself.

And I am bound by the same laws to be responsible with consuming it.

As a teacher, I will add one more caveat to this. I am a role model. I don’t mind and I take that part of my job extremely serious. I feel it is unreasonable to hold a teacher to a standard of not consuming alcohol. It is not right. We are people with more stress than the average person and we need a chance to relax and unwind. We need to be social and be part of our non-school families. On the other hand, we need to model the moderation and behavior of wise consumption of alcohol. Getting inebriated and acting a fool is not good role modeling. Having one brew for a whole dinner and walking out an hour later fully in control of oneself is good to see.

So, when you see a teacher that is out and about, take care to not judge them too harshly. Sometimes it is hard to put your game face on as a teacher. We are people. We have hard lives sometimes just like anyone else. Be empathetic and generous to us with your interaction. We are people and that sometimes is ignored with quick judgment and fast accusations.