The group I saw were celebrating a divorce being final of one of their members. Yep, They were partying because their friend got divorced.
And I just feel that we as a society have really lost so much moral integrity if this is an accepted or even supported behavior for such a loss as a failed marriage.
Of course, it would be the girls that are so brazenly overt about publicly shaming the former husband and celebrating the breaking of a marriage but make no mistake, men will celebrate too over this same thing but not make it so public.
I just can't stand it and I have to turn away in sadness and disgust at the thought of how happy and outwardly giddy these girls were. And you know what? This is not the first time I have seen this. What is it about celebrating the end of something that was suppose to be one of the most fulfilling endeavors of a person's life? I just can't think of anything that can be as destructive and dystopian than a marriage failing and two people that supposedly did love each other at some time in the past are now broken apart.
It makes you think. . . .so what the hell happened?
You will hear and see a lot of reasons for a marriage to fail. There are some very very legitimate reasons like abuse or substance abuse or one of the spouses commits a heinous crime, or adultery or they don't feel their children are safe with the other. But then there are reasons that just make you wonder like when people say they are just not happy or that they didn't expect to end up where they are in life or that they fall out of love or that their spouse has just changed into someone they don't care about anymore. These are the reasons that bother me the most. These are reasons that happen to some from not understanding what a marriage is and how life beats the hell out of married people. And I guess that is what it is for some. When life beats the hell out of your marriage you have two choices - take it on together fighting back or call it quits.
Probably the most damaging thing to marriages happens before marriage even is on a person's radar. And that is, I don't think people really understand what it is to be married. This is where I may lose a bunch of people, but I truly feel that the concept of marriage as it is described and talked about in the Bible is what makes marriages infallible. I would double down and say that even if you are not Christian or are religious at all, that if you just treat the concept of marriage as it is described in the Bible as a framework for what marriage should be, you will be successful.
First and foremost, a marriage is described as "one flesh." It is written several times that children will leave their parents and join in marriage as one flesh. This "one flesh" idea really means two separate people are separate but are still one person. If you know me, you know my wife. When you interact with me, my personality and my mindset and my choices revolve around not just me but also my wife. It is true in reverse. It is not that she or I dominate or controls the other, it is more the fact that we have bonded and intertwined ourselves to the point where people don't think of us as separate. When a person thinks of me, they think of me as a married man. I would be surprised if any person that has known me for any length of time would not have mentioned my wife when talking about me. And that is the point of marriage and being married. They see us as two sides of the same coin. They see us as one person.
You see, my wife and I are so bonded and connected to each other it is like we are the same person. But, at the same time, we still retain our individuality. It is almost like we have a dual personality, and we will refer to our spouses often when talking or doing. The best way to describe it is when a couple that are truly married both in mind and soul, they are like the trinity of God. God, husband, and wife are together as one entity, but we all exist as individuals too. It is hard to understand the Trinity of God for the average person but for a married couple, they can imagine how that can be true since they themselves think they are one person when it comes to their marriage.
This is why divorce is so devastating to a person or .. . . .it should be.
A marriage that ends in divorce is akin to a person dying. In this case it is even more so since the death of the marriage leaves behind only pieces of what once was two bonded and stable people. After the divorce there is only pain and bitterness and anger and vindictiveness. These things are not what our society needs to be spread throughout our community.
And this is the type of heart that celebrating divorce comes from.
It comes from pain.
It comes from anger.
It comes from bitterness.
It comes from a person who is feeling loss.
Celebrating divorce is no celebration.
It is a coping mechanism for what they know will be coming. What is coming is shame and guilt and loss and loneliness. What is coming is understanding that the dreams of having that "other half" your entire life will not be there. What is coming is either the acceptance of never having a marriage again or the will to try and find another and hoping against hope that it will be what the other was not. Deep down though . . . what is the likelihood a second go around will be more than the first? or the second? or the third? Statistics don't lie. It is basically not in the cards if it didn't work the first time.
I can't describe what a loss it is to see a marriage fail. Any marriage. No matter what the reason is. It means that somewhere either one or both of them missed the meaning of what being married is supposed to be. They missed how vital it is to protect and nurture and how tight a bond it needs to be.
And at the end, I need to be super clear about what I am saying. Do not stay married if there is abuse or danger or violence or drugs or the children are in danger. Anyone who has read my journals should know that I will not advocate for staying married if there is danger in the marriage.
What I am getting at is that people need to be more aware of what marriage is and how deep of a spiritual and soulful covenant it is. They need to discover and internalized this before they consider marriage. We are talking about bonding to the point where you feel like you and your spouse are one person with a complementary dual personality. It is not a spur of the moment thing or whimsical or "lets give it a try." People need to know what they will want and what type of person they need to truly be able to bond in the way that I am describing. Then they have to look at what living life is and be able to understand that the pitfalls of life will attack and erode what strengthens a marriage. Then they have to set their minds to never let all of the actions and words and habits that bonded them into wanting to be married slip away in lack of effort. If you think you can find that "spark" in someone else after being married so long, then look no further than your spouse. It was there in the beginning, and you can have it again . . . . even easier than finding it outside of the marriage!
I just can't think of a worse event that leaves a person worse off in life than being divorced. It meant that they were happy at one time and now their dream of being with someone for life has been broken. It is especially tragic when one of the spouses is blind-sided by the other. But then, isn't that most often. These are the ones that are truly broken for life.
And then there are those who go out and celebrate only to suffer later when the reality of how it affected them really sets in. And for some it may take years but make no mistake. . . .that realization is coming. Make no mistake.
Celebrating divorce is no celebration.
