I was asked one day if I felt that I was
successful and I said, “No.”
And I meant it too.
And I meant it too.
What a surprise. Most
people would say the same thing, I am guessing.
Hell, sometimes just getting up
the next day and facing it again is a success. This year I have referred two girls
to hospitals for cutting themselves and many would say that is a success in
itself. At the time though, I didn’t feel like it was much of a success as they
were taken away against their will. People would say that they are getting the
help they need. It is funny how teachers feel unsuccessful in this scenario.
There are days in my past
where I have felt like the biggest loser in the world and that all the work I
have put into something turned out to be useless. The day I was fired from my
passion of teaching was the most mountainous heap of failure in my life. It has been the
worse I have endured yet. Getting a new job in TN and starting over could be
considered a success. It might be, but there will always be that idea tucked in
the back of my mind that I was not good enough. . .. I was not successful in
holding my job. I failed.
Success could be having a
strong family but there are days in which I feel like I am failing at my job as
a husband and father. There are hard days the test my resolve. My oldest is not
letting go of his anger, selfish, and greedy ways. I am a supportive husband. Why
is she still struggling with depression and anxiety? My younger boy is so dependent
and clingy showing no signs of being independent. I often wonder if he will
ever grow to be his own man someday.
Then there is me. I am
very talented and can do many things. But I make mistakes and I do fail a lot. Why
then, when I can be so good at so many things do I focus on all the stumbles in
my life? Why do they stand out in my mind? I will not even think a second about
throwing together a drawing or building a table without plans but the day I was
fired? Well, it was like I was reliving it all over again. I struggle with my
faith. I want closer friends or even more friends but it is hard to put time
into a friend when you are a teacher and a father and a husband. . . A lot
harder than people realize. There are all those goals I set for myself and they
fall to the wayside. What about all those?
You see, these things eat
away at us. I would guess that anyone that reads this would be thinking of all
those things that they are lacking or failing. It is just human nature, isn’t
it?
So, that leaves the
question of what is success?
Success is perspective. I
can look at all those things I have done and are doing right now and see the
failures in them. Or, I can look as all those things I have done and see what
is succeeding. If I look at the failures, then I am sure to fail more. If I see
the successes, then I will be more likely to succeed more. It is my own
perspective unhindered by other outside opinions that is the key. It is what I
see that makes all the difference. Don't let others define your success. They
don't know how much you started with and how far you have come in your struggles.
I think this is where the feeling of failure sneaks in. Success is perspective.
It is your perspective alone.
It is hard though. I look
at where I have been and what I have done compared to where I hoped to be and
it doesn’t seem very successful to me. It is an allusion though. I am doing
alright. Not great or outstanding but far from failing. I am doing alright. I
bet if you look back and scan your past. . . you probably are too.
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