Becoming a Christian

 I was asked when I became a Christian and that is a story that cannot just be put into a couple of words. By now most people understand I am not the most normal person and that I seem to look at the things around me and my world in a little different way. 

The short answer to the question is that I have always been a Christian. The long answer though, now that will take a bit. In a nutshell, I became a Christian by having Faith and it started when I was very little. 

First, I grew up in a very Christian atmosphere with my mom and dad going to church every Sunday. We went to a little bitty church in the little town only big enough to have a post office, a pharmacy, and a small butcher/grocery store. We are United Church of Christ which I found out is not Church of Christ.... there is a difference! My church seems as if it is an amalgamation of several churches with the biggest influence (I guess) being Baptist. Does that matter though? For some it does. Doesn't it?

Well anyway. You know how people tell you that when you come to Jesus that you know and that it is an experience unlike any you have ever had? You know how they say the spirit washes over you and your life changes and the earth shakes and the skies open and everything looks different? 

Well, that didn't happen to me. 

I guess the best way to describe how I became a Christian is through faith. You see, growing up in a Christian family, you just follow what your parents do or your grandparents but as you grow older and rebellion sets in, you start to question everything. I think this where all those revelations come in. People who have been Christians and believe eventually have a period of indecision and truly wonder if what they have been practicing their whole lives is actually true or not. And when their mind finally locks into the idea and they truly set that belief in their minds, soul, and hearts. . . . that's when they become a believer. That is the moment and they can remember . . . that moment when their minds and soul sheds their random indescision and doubt . . .  for the rest of their lives. After observing people become Christians, I believe a lot if not most are this way. 

I grew into Christianity through faith. I never really had that Epiphany moment. You know? I can't pinpoint the moment that I became a Christian like others can. And you know people will question whether or not I truly have given my heart to Jesus and am a Christian but In my mind, and in my heart, I always have been. I have always seen my parents and grandparents believe that there is something more that influences and guides us. When I was little, I trusted my parents implicitly. I believed what they believed because I knew how much they cared for me and would do anything for me. When I was a child I thought of my parents as the same as Jesus and God because that is what they were to me. What I was hearing in church was what they were to me at that time. You see? But was I a Christian at that time? I believe so. It was just as a child, I was thinking concrete. I was thinking that God was a parent and that is why I had my parents. 

Faith though. It is what I guided my whole life. It fueled my actions. The idea that things will work out if I believe they will work out. Some of you will hear me say I will worry about it when I have to. Well, that is where faith in our Lord and God comes from. It seems that I always test God. I went through life saying if this didn't work out or that didn't work out that there could never be a higher purpose or a higher meaning. But, it always did work out one way or another. Sometimes it took time. Sometimes it was right away. Sometimes it didn't happen and that turned out to be good int he end. Sometimes it took effort. Sometimes it took making that one choice that set everything in place. Sometimes it took looking at it from a different angle or perspective. In the end, though, everything works out. It always did and I feel always will.

Look, here are just a few things that I have put the Lord to test. When I was about 16, my grandpa fell ill and I mean I thought he was going to die. Actually, I truly believed he would die. I had it set in my mind. But I told God I was not ready for him to leave just yet and then I started to have faith that it would work out. Of course, it was not an instant miracle. Faith is not stagnat, you know? You have to be doing stuff too. Faith is also looking for those opportunities that are put in our path to take advantage of. I spent my whole spring break nursing him back to health. I believed he was going to die but then I was really having faith that he wouldn't. Having faith won.

I thought I was going to be alone my whole life. I was not exactly the most popular person in my school. I was weird and awkward and I was bullied up into junior year. It was hard and there were days that were literal hell. I had trouble with dating and even getting girls to show interest in me. I knew that I had to have that comfort and companionship in order for me to truly be happy in life. But I just was not finding it. It was hard and years went by with lots of weird moments and dropped dates and such. In the back of my mind though there was a spark of faith that I would find one. And I did. It was one of those "I was not looking when it happened" moments. 

Then there was the day I was told that I would be fired from my job when I was married with a two-year-old and the job market was flooded with thousands of people that looked just like me on paper. 

Then there was the time when she had an emergency caesarian and our boy stayed in NICU for four days.

Then there was the time when we were on the edge of losing everything and had to humble ourselves into bankruptcy. 

And the list goes on. And it is hard to have faith in those moments. But I believe it was faith that helped me get through them. I had faith of a higher being and propose - in Jesus and God to put people and opportunities in my path to get me through. All I had to do was keep my eyes open and see the choices pass by me. You see, like I have stated before, having faith is not stagnant. Having faith is knowing you will have the people and the opportunities to step onto a better path and that Jesus and God are putting them there for you to see. You just have to keep your eyes open and look for them. 

I think a heavy part of this is to express gratitude all the time. You know it says in the Bible that people who become believers are joyous and express their happiness for all to witness. They are giving because of this. I truly believe this is a part of knowing you are a Christian. You are more likely to give and be joyous. 

I feel good all the time. I feel like I am on a high and that everything is a little on the unreal side. I like the way I feel. I never feel the need to indulge in drugs or alcohol or smoking or prescription drugs because I don't want to change the way I feel. I have had times where that has happened and I don't like it at all. I think that is part of being Christian is to feel so good all the time. Not in body but in mind. I could be hurting in my body pretty bad and sometimes it has overtaken my mind but usually, in my mind, I am feeling pretty good. I think that is God and Jesus in me. And that is why I am in a good mood all the time even when my body is not feeling that great. 

That is why I give people stuff. One reason is that it is a little bit of me and it is like I am spreading parts of myself all over. And those parts of me that I am giving away is the happiness and joy that I feel all the time. I just want to spread it around because I want people to feel like I feel. I don't want to keep it to myself or keep it from another person to experience. In my mind, I can't believe a person would not want to feel this way! How can you not! Why can you not! Here! Let me Help! Let me show you!

I am sure a lot of you can look back and understand perfectly what I mean. 

So yeah, I never really had that Epiphany moment other Christians can tell stories of. It was all about testing God and Jesus through my life and seeing that they really do come through if you want to keep your eyes open and have faith that they will put people in your path and opportunities for you to choose. If you are struggling because you have not had that epiphany that others have had then maybe you need to look at your faith with a new perspective and see that maybe God has been with you the whole time. Maybe that self-reliance and that attitude that you don't need God is really what I have been describing above this whole time.