The octopus story

            This is a life story that is a tried and true for my classes. Boy is it well liked. The kids have affectionately called it The Octopus Story. What the point I try to get to is that kids say the darndest things. I also want the kids to know that there should be no shame in calling anything by its proper name. This one is truly a favorite of my students.

            You know how kids when they just first start to talk are hard to understand? You know what I am talking about. You look at the mother because for some reason, the mom is always the universal translator for their own child. Yeah, the mom…. Not the dad. Anyway. This was not true with my son. He articulated words practically perfect since he first started to speak. In fact, I remember his first two syllable word - ‘a-pol.’

            It is funny because I remember giving my son a bath and saying to him what the parts are that we were washing. I would say we are washing the arms and ears and legs and penis…..then I heard my wife yell from the living room ----“Don’t tell him that!” Well, we had a bit of a disagreement as to what to call “it.” I have to say I won. We were calling “it” by its proper name.

            So, One day I was out shopping with my wife and son when he was about two and a half years old or so. My wife was looking at the clothes and you know I love my wife dearly, but man can she spend some time looking at clothes! No, really. That girl and wear you out in a store! I have a problem though - My wife is 5 foot, you see, and when she darts into the racks. . .well, I can’t see her. So, usually I just set up by a rack on the isle and use it as a leaning post. Then I just wait until she pops out down the line and I move to that spot and wait until she pops out for air again. Of course this gives me lots of time to contemplate life and such.

            This day I was standing in the aisle close to a sale rack. A woman cam up to the rack I was leaning against to look at what tidbits were on sale. I thought – if you think I am moving then you got another thing coming. I was watching my son in his stroller. He was really into looking at this stuffed Octopus we had handed him. You know the kind, it was one of those buy this for five bucks and we will donate ninety nine cents to some charity type of thing. They had a whole rack of them as we entered the store. They had a crab and shark and whale and two or three others. They had those cute embroidered inspirational words on them like ‘faith’ and ‘strength’ or something like that. Well when we walked through the door, my son pointed at the rack and practically screamed, “Oct-pus! Oct-Pus! Oct-pus! And…. Of course he got one.

            Well, he was running his hand over this thing and turning it over and over. He was really giving this thing a once over. He turned the octopus over so that the legs were facing up and he was looking at the bottom. He ran his finger over the embroidered word “happiness”.  The material on the bottom was two pieces sewn together with a seam right down the center with the legs spreading out. He ran his finger down the seam once and then paused and did it again. He did this several times. Then, he looked up at me and said,

            “Daddy?”

            “Yes, Son?”

            “Where’s its penis?”

             Yep, that is right. He said penis. Now this was not really a huge surprise to me since that is what we have always called it. That is its name, so we always use the proper names. Why not? It is better than coming up with all the silly stuff like wee wee or digginy or Bob or some such nonsense.

            Anyway, my son was gifted with the ability to pronunciate any word he hears to the point where there is no doubt as to what he said. So, when he asked me this question, there was no doubt what he asked and it was clear as a bell.

            There was one other problem, the woman on the other side of the rack heard him too. And I had no doubt that she was sure of what he said. Out of the peripheral vision, I saw her head snap up and towards me. I did not even have to look to see the expression on her face. Thinking quickly as I could as I felt the heat rising in my face I said back to him,

            “Son, Octopuses don’t like peanuts, Elephants like peanuts.”

            He looked at the stuffed animal contemplating while I just hoped that he heard what I said.

            It seemed like a life time when he finally said, “Octopus don’t like peanuts, Elephants like peanuts.”

            Whew!!! “That’s right son, very good,” I said back as I moved away quickly.

            To this day, I have no doubt that the woman had no questions about what my boy had said. And when I think back, I should have just explained it to him and who cares what that woman would have thought about me as a father. I also think that I gave into being ashamed at being so socially trained to think that the word ‘Penis’ is offensive for some reason. Today, I would probably not bat an eye because I have decided that people can just put their big girl or boy pants on and accept that as parents, we do the best we can. Besides, the word ‘penis’ should not be any more offensive than the word arm or leg or nose……