What the hell?

 So, after a year of him being in the custody of the mental health court, they just closed his case. After trying to get him jobs and enlisting Park center, and all the programs he took on anger management, the stay in the half way house, the jobs got and then was released from . . . God, this is not good for me. 

It is just another failure of the system. Every place that says they can help me or be able to get him to turn around and make better choices or be able to not have melt down episodes or verbally abuse me or stop threatening to kill himself or making my household chaotic or stop causing rifts between me and my wife . . . they just give up. They get to a point where they just stop and send him back home. And then we have to deal with him. 

So, here I am the morning after he comes home, and I am shaking again with my mind racing with all kinds of bad ending to this whole ordeal. I mean, what has changed? Nothing. He has not been rehabilitated. He has not learned or have any skills to take care of himself. He is just back home and we are at the same place we are when he left. It is like there was just a one year pause. 

All I can think of is what will happen. Since nothing has changed, arguments and fighting will happen. He will put a strain on our resources and that will cause more problems where he will feel entitled to things I am unwilling to give. He will scream at me and all me all kinds of names. He will verbally abuse with gaslighting and telling me how I am a horrible father. 

And it is just a matter of time . . . .

We already argued this morning, the morning after he came home. He wanted to do something and I said no. Well, he tried to tell me why I should say yes but I told him that I said no and I was not changing my mind. Well, he kept at me and I was getting more and more riled because he was just not accepting the answer. And this is the issue. He WILL NOT accept my choices about my house and the way I want to do things . . . like money and what he can and can't do in my house. And then he gets mad and pitches a fit that can ultimately get out of control.

And that is it. This can all go so bad that I could loose everything. My house, my marriage, my mental health, my physical health . . . if he ends up attacking my wife and hurting her, I would honest to God go to jail with what I would do to him. Because, if he hurt her .. . I would loose my mind with anger and hurt him . . . . bad.

I am not doing well. In my mind, this will not end well. And I can't even begin to feel or expect that there is anything I can do about it. Not a damn thing.,