How much more do I have to give up?

 How much more do I have to give up? I mean, seriously it's been 4 years and I've been dumping just about everything I've got into this whole thing.

I've applied to....... I've gone to with....... I've visited him in the mental hospital (all three times). The bills from that...... the time going back and forth. . . . One time they wouldn't tell me where he was since he was an adult. . . .That's when I really understood what a medical power of attorney was...... I've taken him to his IOP twice a week for weeks and it was an hour drive each way after working all day. I've gotten him into programs at college that he ran from, so I had to drop him from school and retract his scholarships. I help him apply to trade school and supported him as he struggled with going and staying. I got him help through vocational rehabilitation to help him get a job, but they have stopped working with him because he is difficult........ And the meds and therapists for years....... And. . . . and. . . .God, I don't remember all of it. . . .

All throughout this I have been coaching and driving him and showing him the way to and from and I have been with him during his appointments and giving him pep talks and . . . .I even took him to college and walked the campus showing him his where classes were. I escorted him from one class to another for a week because he had anxiety attacks. . . . and then he quit anyway. All that time. All that effort. All the expenses. All the mental strain. 

Seriously...... How much more? I've given so much already, and it has all been thrown to the wayside. 

I don't know how much more or how much longer I can keep putting into trying to get my son to move along on his path to becoming an adult. The problem is not so much that he is not progressing but more of how much stress he puts on us. 

We are being picked apart. Finances, time, and mental health are all being picked apart and piece by piece we are whittling down to becoming nothing. Seriously..... how much of us do we need to lose before we call it all off and retreat? When and how far is that line in the sand?

I have been giving up a lot to move him along and nothing is working. He is so scared of leaving and is so attached and dependent on us that he goes to extremes whenever he is challenged and pushed to cut ties with us. And each time I am losing more and more. I am not sure if my health or my marriage can take much more of this. 

And that truly scares the hell of me. 

If I lose my wife........

God, I can't even have a flicker of that thought or I will just break.....

How much do I have left for this before it all become too much and it tears everything down? I am not sure, but I will keep going until one or the other happens. I know one thing. . . . it cannot stay the way it is now.