I read this and had to save it. ..... This is what my son jus posted to his facebook.

This is a picture of my wallet I wanted to share this tonight because I'm feeling like shit. I've been reading this inscription in my wallet all over and over again the past couple weeks I'm not doing well guys. My grandmother is dying. I'm stuck in a fucking halfway house. The court is putting ever loving pressure on me everyday to the point where they're starting to threaten me with jail for everything. I have no energy to do anything. No motivation. No appetite. I haven't been eating. I haven't been sleeping even though I spend all day in bed. I still don't have a job even though I've applied to well over a hundred places in the past 2 months. . . five places a day religiously. My parents are in financial distress and I'm feeling more alone than ever. Most people turn to religion. I lost my faith in religion a long time ago and the more shit that keeps happening to me, the more and more I think there just cannot be a god that cares. He created us and he's doing nothing with us until we die. I don't believe in Jesus anymore. The Bible is a farce. All of this suffering I've done this last year and in the beginning of this year. I am just so tired. My grandmother had a heart attack today. She's back in the hospital for what is probably the fifth or sixth time in the past 2 months. I sat in with a doctor Thursday, New Year's Day, and listened to them tell me and my grandfather that her heart is covered in scars and that her best advice was to put her on as much fucking medicine as they could and let her eat whatever the hell she wants because she may not have as much time left. But now it's really striking me hard because she's probably entering the end of her life and she's one of the few support systems I had left. Hell my other grandparents and family on my dad's side won't even talk to me after all the jail shit. I try to keep positive, but I can't do it anymore. Please pray for me and most of all pray for Grandma. I don't know what good it will do. I've been praying all this time and nothing's getting better. I've been praying since I went to jail the first time. God never answers my prayers and that's why I believe he doesn't care about me. Anyway, I'm taking a break this week. I don't know what I'm going to do with my time . . . probably just lay in bed because I don't have the strength to do anything else.

I keep reading this and then I look back at the whole history of how he got to this point in his life. then I look at what I have done to guide and support him during that same time frame. It is hard to see this knowing that a lot of how he is doing right now and how he is feeling right now culminated from a long series of poor choices and choosing to miss the opportunities I offered him. 

When you talk to him, he is very compelling with his story, and he weaves a talk of me not supporting him and not caring about his well-being. He talks about how I don't understand his Autism and how I was not giving him the tools and understand he needed. He will say that I forced him to or that I am the reason for or that I abused him mentally or emotionally. . . . 

He says a lot. But he will not acknowledge all that I have done for him. He will not acknowledge all that I provided for him. He will now acknowledge all the time and effort and money and tears and pain I poured out for him.

He will not acknowledge how much he has caused my mental health to suffer. How much my emotional well being has been eroded. How much I have suffered . . . . in silence and quiet stoicism. 

And now I am broken and a little lost and more anxious than I ever have been. 

The I read this passage again. I read it and think - -  - How the hell did I get to this point? Where did it all go off the rails? 

That - - - that is the thing that eats away at me every moment of every day . . . .