My son has said to me on multiple occasions that when he leaves, he will never come back or ever talk to me or my wife ever again. And you know what? If he is a grown man that is able to take care of himself and be completely independent...... I'm ok with that.
I know, right? I must be horrible. See, this is where you have people who are not parents, or maybe some that are, who will pass judgement on me. They will say things like - "if the child doesn't want anything to do with you, then you may want to check yourself for why." or " if the child doesn't want anything to do with you as an adult, look in the mirror, it probably is not them with the problems."
"A parent losing them hurts less than admitting they caused the pain."
I've seen a lot of those kind of memes. And I am sure in some cases (maybe most. . . . I do t know) they are true....
But in my case, it is not.
In my case, he is trying to emotionally manipulate me. He says I set too high or standards and that I expect too much of him. He says I purposely have traumatized him and made choices that benefited me and that I was only being selfish.
Yeah, he has said a lot to me, you know.
Like how I am no father of his. That I didn't love him. That I would be happy if he committed suicide or that my life would be easier if he actually went through with it. That I am the cause of his depression and anxiety and PTSD. He continually says, "Fuck you" when he doesn't like what I have to say or how I think or believe differently than he does. He tells me I don't help him or do anything for him. You don't know how I feel. You don't care how I feel!"
And what, might you wonder, do I say to him to get such things said or screamed at me?
I say, "You can do this when you don't think you can." "I know it's scary, but you have to fight back, and it will get less and less as you build the routine." "I want you to be a confident and independent adult." "I have set up this program that will give you assistance and help" "I want you to understand how this works so you can do it yourself."
And then there is the time I have spent..... Time filling out forms and going to counseling appointments and taking him to meetings and calling people..... God the time on the phone! And taking him places he wanted to go and building memories and trying to show him the world is not as scary as he tells himself it is.
Then there is the money..... Mostly it is from medical bills. The times he had to be put in a hospital for fear of a suicide attempt or self harming. . . .
And the time I spent with him waiting for treatment or visiting him or taking him back for follow ups.
And then it would happen again.......
And then again......
It seemed like nothing would help him to be better.
After a few years of this cycle the just kept turning, he started to blame me. Blame me for not doing anything and for not helping him or doing as much for him or taking things away from him. He would scream and yell and cuss at us. He said horrible abusive things to me. He would put a knife to his neck and threatened to cut himself asking me if that is what I wanted ...... If I wanted him to bleed out on my floor. And then he has hit me and has advanced on my wife.....
After all that..... He threatened to leave and never talk to me again. He asked me if the is what I want..... If I want him to leave my life forever. . . .if I was ok with "losing my son."
And you know what?
I am not a failure.
He failed me in spite of all I have done.
And now he spites me.
Because I don't want to do it anymore. I think I have suffered enough.
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