You Should teach a class

I was told again yesterday. After I was talking about my wife. . . . yeah I know. . . it is such a surprise that I talk about her! Anyway, I said that if I feel that my wife is trying something new at a restaurant that she may not like, I decide to order something I know she will like. You know. . . . just in case she may want to trade. I would not let her to go hungry because she ordered something she ended up not liking and I know I will eat just about anything she would order no matter what. So, no biggie.

And that is when the girl I was talking to said it, "You should teach a class on how to be a husband."

I have been told this quite a few times in the past. I said, "Naw, I sound like I am such a good husband, but I really only know how to be a good husband to my wife."

This is where I think people kinda misstep in their marriage. She was responding to what I was saying not in terms of what I actually did as much as the actual meaning and expression and motive of what I did. You see? She reacted like she would with a romance story or a romance movie. What I was saying was so romantic in her mind and the unsaid reason I would order that way was a deep romantic emotional thing. She started to think about whether or not her hubby thought of her that way, to act that way, and deep down she didn't think so but wished he did. And then she just expressed how a guy like me needed to teach or show or tell her husband how to think of her in the same way. 

But you know what? I bet he does already, and she just has not picked up on it. 

I have taken the time to grow and learn my wife and what she needs and wants in her relationship and marriage. I learned how to support her and treat her and what to do to make sure she actually feels me loving on her through action and words and presence. Over the last 24 years, it has become habit and intentional. My wife and I have become so bonded and integrated that how we treat each other has become so ingrained that it is like breathing or walking. It's automatic. . . . without thought.

Make no mistake, she has done the same for me too. . . but that is not really the focus of this writing. 

And that is what this girl means when she says that I need to teach a class. It is not so much teaching men the same things I do but more of teaching men to learn what it means and what they need to do to love their wife. They want me to show them that same idea that I said that I only know how to love my wife because each relationship is unique and special to only the two that are in it together. That is really what she means. 

I just think that sort of time and effort and learning of who you want to spend your life with is lacking in our society today. You can see it in the divorce rates and on social media. People just put a blanket relationship advice out there and complete miss that each relationship is unique and has its own life that is unlike any other relationship. They have to grow and bond and integrate separate from all others and not look to mimic any others. If this happens, that is where you get people saying they "out grow" their partner or that their partner has "change and is not the same person." They are not working at growing into one person who automatically knows what their partner's needs and their partner knows what they need. 

So, no . . . . I can't teach a class on how to be a husband because I will never be able to understand your unique relationship. Therefore, I can't help your husband be a better husband. 

I only know how to love my wife.