Family Therapy V

A couple of days ago my son asked me if  had any play doh. I said that I didn't and he told me he only had $18 in his account and he didn't want to run short. I said that's ok because he can just stop by the dollar store and get like a cheap no brand one. 

Well that turned into a horrible fight and it is the same old same old. 

Well here we are going n our therapy session where I played out the whole thing. But I tried to get across how it is not the communication that is the problem, it is the fact that I just don't want to do as much as I used to because I feel I have done more than what is expected of me as a father. And I am laying down boundaries that he just does not like or accept. 

Well I started it all off and then the therapist went after him with very deep and confrontational questions that really stepped into his comfort zone. He challenged all of my son's defensive accusations and arguments. And I just listened to him digging and digging in. 

I think one of the most thought provoking idea he forced my son to come to terms with is the difference between what is best for him and what he felt was good or what he wants. And I really never though about it like that. He said that my son wanted to come home and he wanted out of the home he was in and that my son felt that would be good but was that the best for him? And that clearly was not. Then he said that my son was where he was at and doing what he was doing because being at home was not the best for him. He said there was a reason he was being kept from home and then he had my son tell him why..... And he struggled. So the therapist told him why. 

it was pretty reassuring that this therapist was not just validating him and telling him what he though was right or told him that we were the problem. I have said it before that I have struggled with not being heard in the midst of his problems. And today really was not like that at all. 

So, I am not sure my son really feels good about what wast talked about today but I thing what was talked about was what was best for him. 

My Facebook post for today......

You know, sometimes what we may feel is good for us or what we want is not necessarily what is best for us. 

I am finding that saying "this is for your own good" really is saying, "you will not think this is good for you and you will not like it but I feel it is the best for you in the long run and I am making a hard choice to try and make sure your future is better than the present. " 

And I am willing to accept that you will hate me for it. 

Damn being a parent is hard.