I hate being forced to do this.

 I hate that I'm being forced to do this. I hate that I have to make choices based on what's best for my entire family because of one family members choices that is really threatening the security of the rest of us. Here's the message I sent to our family counselor about what my son has done......

I am really torn up right now. I want to reassert that the biggest issue with my son and my wife and I is what we want compared to what he wants. No amount of communication will fix that. And everything is fine until we set a boundary and say no.

Right now I have decided that I am going to drop him from my medical insurance. He had an episode the day before yesterday and checked himself into the Vanderbilt mental health hospital. This is getting to be a problem because it's been less than a month since he did it last time. And just about every time he checks himself into a hospital they send me like a $1,000 bill. This often is not sustainable at all with our income.

And I just cannot sustain that at the rate he falls apart all the time. I have been paying on one bill for over a year and he accrued another 800$ bill less than a month ago and now I have no idea what I will be charged for this but he was taken to the emergency room since they didn't have staff to deal with him.

One of the issues he works on me with is the guilt of not wanting to pay for all this stuff as if I'm a horrible father for not doing that. But it's too much..... I'm going to end up having to file for bankruptcy for a second time in my life if it keeps on like this that is not good for my family and household.

Dropping him for my insurance will be nothing short of catastrophic for him..... He will not be able to afford meds, councillors, or any other medical issue. On the other hand I can't let it go on for him to keep going to the hospital and draining my finances because he can't manage his emotions or mental health. It's been over four years of therapy and meds and he is running my finances dry. And that scares me a lot with another boy half way through college and my wife with her chronic health issues. I feel like I am a passenger in my own car with him driving and running into anything and everything while I sit with no control over his driving at all. Well, one thing I can do is take away the keys.

One thing that will be absolutely sure, Austen will come unhinged when I do it. But I just can't let him have that control over my money like that. Its getting to be reckless, it threatens the security of the rest of my family, and I have to put a stop to it.

I just don't know what else to do or if I can really do anything else..... I'm being forced to or having the make choices of more struggle for my family. I just can't do that so I sent a message to the court person about him too.....

Just dropping a line. My wife told me about my son checking himself into the hospital last night. 

I am going to have to take him off our insurance. The bills will come to me as the insurance holder and I will be responsible if I don't pay them even though he is the one that got them. There is 800$ from his last visits and who knows how much for this time and he will just keep going at his whims. I hate it but to keep me from being financially strangled and going bankrupt.... I can't think of what else to do. 

I would like to start the process of applying for TNcare. Can you help us with this?

God...... Will this get easier ever?

Family Therapy V

A couple of days ago my son asked me if  had any play doh. I said that I didn't and he told me he only had $18 in his account and he didn't want to run short. I said that's ok because he can just stop by the dollar store and get like a cheap no brand one. 

Well that turned into a horrible fight and it is the same old same old. 

Well here we are going n our therapy session where I played out the whole thing. But I tried to get across how it is not the communication that is the problem, it is the fact that I just don't want to do as much as I used to because I feel I have done more than what is expected of me as a father. And I am laying down boundaries that he just does not like or accept. 

Well I started it all off and then the therapist went after him with very deep and confrontational questions that really stepped into his comfort zone. He challenged all of my son's defensive accusations and arguments. And I just listened to him digging and digging in. 

I think one of the most thought provoking idea he forced my son to come to terms with is the difference between what is best for him and what he felt was good or what he wants. And I really never though about it like that. He said that my son wanted to come home and he wanted out of the home he was in and that my son felt that would be good but was that the best for him? And that clearly was not. Then he said that my son was where he was at and doing what he was doing because being at home was not the best for him. He said there was a reason he was being kept from home and then he had my son tell him why..... And he struggled. So the therapist told him why. 

it was pretty reassuring that this therapist was not just validating him and telling him what he though was right or told him that we were the problem. I have said it before that I have struggled with not being heard in the midst of his problems. And today really was not like that at all. 

So, I am not sure my son really feels good about what wast talked about today but I thing what was talked about was what was best for him. 

My Facebook post for today......

You know, sometimes what we may feel is good for us or what we want is not necessarily what is best for us. 

I am finding that saying "this is for your own good" really is saying, "you will not think this is good for you and you will not like it but I feel it is the best for you in the long run and I am making a hard choice to try and make sure your future is better than the present. " 

And I am willing to accept that you will hate me for it. 

Damn being a parent is hard.