Homeland - R.A. Salvatore

 

I read this book when I was in my early teens and I was in middle school at the time. It was not a good time for me in school because I was a socially awkward, large for my age, uncoordinated, not cool , not in the “in crowd” kid. Yeah, I was one of those. If you were not in that group when you were in school, then just let me tell you a little secret. . . It was like having my own little piece of hell. Things did get better as I got closer and closer to graduating though.

        I had some pretty good things going for me. My home life was fine with great parents that were supportive and involved. They had a very strong marriage, and they were all in when it came to their kids. So, my home life was really great. It was just those hours I was at school that were difficult. And my mom with her superpowers of just knowing that I was struggling but not wanting to put it all out on the table, pushed me into reading which was a great way to just take mental breaks from the chaos of school.

        And that is where this book comes in. It resonated with me and really encouraged how I was already feeling about myself. First of all, the whole fantasy elf magic multiple gods thing was just the carrier of the content that resonated with me on a very personal level.

        First of all, just like Drizzt, I understood what it was like to be an individual with a different set of core values living in a society that was so contradictive to what I was holding dear in my heart. I understood the “man against the machine” stresses of holding true to who I was. I knew first hand how they attack you and scorn you for not being like them. . . . not following their stupid social rules. I truly could sympathize how my inner feelings and core spirit would never change to the dogma and wrong that was a socialized norm for them. I saw how others would bend and fall into being one of them and for me, I just would not fall. I would not trade who I was to have an easier life in school. I knew deep down that I would never be one of them. I could never be like them.

        I truly resonated with the thoughts and actions of Drizzt and how he looked at things like family and love and courage and strength and power. And those concepts were not the same as those around me. I had my family and my life outside of school and great mentors that were guiding me in lots of different directions counter to the culture and whims of the school. What I saw and felt and experienced outside of school were so contradictive to what I saw happening in school. . . All of the blind following and false grabs at attention and status. It was pretty sad to see from an outside perspective.

        I looked at how Drizzt soul searched and really dug deep into who he was as a person and what he had to offer to himself and to the world as a whole. He questioned himself and his motives all the time. He questioned a world view of status and evil his people had with skepticism and judged if it was right or wrong based on his own feelings of right and wrong. He learned how to trust and not trust. He also held true to himself and focused on what it was about himself that made him worthwhile in the grand scheme of the world and his place in the universe. As I read the pages of his thoughts and actions, I would gravitate to wanting to do the same thing and started to look at those around me with a different set of eyes.

        I also believed that there was another side in which I could escape if I just had the patience and the sight to know when it was time to take a step out of the line and into a different lane. I always thought, “I will make my own fork in the road of my life and then make a right turn.” And you know what? It did happen. It was inevitable. People have choices even when it feels like they don’t. It all has to do with having the courage and the grit to see the choices you have and then to take that one step forward.

        Now that I look back, it was not so important that I fit in and went with the flow. It was more important to always become the adult I was meant to be. I had to dig deep and really explore and develop and spend time on who I was and who I would be. I am a much better adult now because I chose to work on that awkward targeted teen back then. All those things that held me back and singled me out as a teen in school were actually productive and needed as an adult. Who would have thunk it?